Blimey. Was I embarrassed or was I embarrassed. Nipped into my friendly neighbourhood Volkswagen dealer last week, put two and two together and came up with far more than four. The salesmen were all smiles, jovial and ever-so-friendly. Well, with the world in the state that it is, I figured there was only one explanation for this frivolity – drugs. I debated how many real salesmen were trapped in the back office and just how to escape these impostors and inform the police. Suddenly one of them pounced and asked if he could help me and after looking gormlessly at him, I decided that in fact these guys were happy because they were just, well happy.
Me being the idiot that I am, it turns out Volkswagen dealers only deal one form of drug, the very real, the very legal adrenaline. And small wonder Volkswagen dealers’ are smiling ear to ear, with their current line-up of vehicles, Volkswagen are strongly positioned to become the market leader across their range – most notably the dopamine deliverer, the Golf GTi.
Ever since the MK I burst onto the scene in 1976, engulfed in a cloud of tyre smoke and snarling engine, the GTi name has always been synonymous with Volkswagen’s ‘hot hatch’, in the same way that ‘Stuck in the middle with you’ by Steelers Wheel is no longer heard as a catchy pop
song, but as the soundtrack to a policeman having un-consenting surgery in Reservoir Dogs – so mighty was its impact things would never be the same again. However as was the case with Elvis, as the king of the road began to gain more and more accolades and success, the waste-line began to expand and its performance became slower and more laboured.
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